4 Things I have Learnt in my Late 20s

1. This little magic thing called “boundaries” isn’t self centred or selfish.

• Boundaries. This concept had for long be very alien to me. I always kind of admired people who were able to put those into place in their own life, in the professional or personal sphere. Until I reached my late twenties, I had always felt like I was not and would never be confident and assertive enough with boundaries. I also had this wrong idea that people were going to look down on me for having boundaries or think I was too ‘uppity’ or into myself.

• What I came to realise is that, people do not cut you off their lives, or shun you for having boundaries. Actually, most people will respect your boundaries if you tell them and remind them of it. I also realised I had the right to state my uncomfortableness or my dislikes. Loud and clear.

• I also have a better idea about my ‘capacity’. I know what I can give, without having to deplete myself. You gotta keep that cup half full! 🙂

2. I don’t need to please or seek validation from every single human on this planet

• Over the recent years, I have made total peace with the fact that I am not going to make everybody feel comfortable. The aim of my life is not to make every single human being comfortable with my existence, namely the way I look, the way I think, the way I behave . There’s gotta to be some 1-star ratings. And I have learnt not to give a toss. It is actually quite a freeing thing to realise. A bit like a weight lifted of your chest.

• I also now know the difference between the things I have been doing because I like them and the thing I have been doing because I felt (sometimes wrongly!) people expected me to do them. In other words, I have started to tune in and live more intuitively. The people who truly love you are not going to stop loving you when you start embracing your own self.

• There will always be some adult stuff you ‘should’ do in life (like pay your rent, your bills and have decent hygiene 😀 ) , but sometimes , some of these ‘SHOULDS’ are completely made up, like a list of tick box things that actually you don’t really need to do to live a fulfilling life – even though you’ve always felt like you had to. And there is no flippin’ deadlines you need to abide by in order to live your life the way it should. There is no one way life should be lived. In other words, I now have more clarity about what truly matters to me and I am more able to cut the rest of the bullshit off.

3. There are so many harmful myths around productivity

• I had always placed a lot of value on school, and on doing things right. I had always tended to attach a lot of my own self worth to grades. Whilst achievements feel great, and to be clear, there is nothing wrong about ambition and productivity, I have come to realise that I do not want these things to hinder my ability to feel good and enjoy my life. There needs to be a balance between these things, a balance that feels right to me, and I am the only one able to determine that.

• Ditching the guilt around doing nothing, and learning the pleasures of simply doing nothing has been a massive epiphany. The world is not going to collapse if I stop being productive or stop worrying constantly about things for a day or 2. My worry do not hold the world together like glue. The world can perfectly hold itself without me for a bit.

• There is more in my life than, producing, output, stuff. I don’t need to learn to be productive all the time. I don’t need to track all aspects of my life. I have also learnt that when it comes to productivity, multi tasking, being reactive and wanting to do those 20 things at the same time, is never going to work. It is all about undivided attention.

4. It’s actually feels kinda nice to spend time with your own self sometimes…

• Being busy 24/7 is not all the hype it’s made out to be. As much as I love social contact (as a human being, I still remain a social animal) , I feel like it is sometimes great to just wing a weekend and go with the flow. Indeed, I have learnt that actually, on occasions, spending time with myself can be very fulfilling. Life does not need to be crammed with plans all the time. Slow down.

• To me, spending time with your own self, also means being able to sit with your own thoughts. One way I have done that is through my practice of writing and journaling. I have grown as more accepting of negative feelings that sometimes come up. I don’t always need to squish these feelings down with 24/7 positivity. I don’t believe in positive vibes only. These negative feelings will come, just like they will go.

• I love the idea of sometimes being off the grid. Not having to be reachable and contactable all the time. The simple pleasure of turning your phone off for a day, or even just one afternoon. The simple pleasure of taking off your watch. And just live your best life off the grid for a moment or two. (Literally, this is my fantasy).

What are the best lessons time has taught you?